Paris, je t'aime!

Alright well a new day has brought new light to my decision.  I did what I said last night, I read the blog of last year's Tanzania trip and I looked though the facebook pictures of a girl who went last year, and frankly, it scared the shit out of me.  I don't know, the whole third world, developing country, no modern coveinences, the whole deal, well it's clearly not "me" and I don't want to say that I'm not cut out for it because I could definitely do it, but I just don't know if I want to.  I read the blog and nothing particularly excited me, it really sounded rather boring, and it turns out a lot of the seminars and speakers are very business focussed.  Last year's group project was to write about starting a small business in a third world country, and business/finance/econ doesn't interest me in the least.  And then I think of PARIS!! Ahhhh Paris, the art, the architecture, the culture, the food, the WINE!!!!!  A feeling of calm and excitement rushes through my body just thinking about it now.  As I was out shopping today I found myself looking at a dress and thinking, "Oh this would be fabulous in Paris!"  Paris is "me," Tanzania is not "me" at all, but that's one of the reasons I was interested in it in the first place--it would be a different and life changing experience in so many ways.

So I really need to decide if I want to go on the more noble, OnceInALifetime Tanzania trip, or the fabulously cliched CityOfLights Paris trip??  Am I trying to be someone I'm not by going to Tanzania, am I going to be stuck with a bunch of Chaco-wearing, tree-huggers going wild over close contact with spider monkeys? Most likely.  And then there's Paris, a bunch of Chanel-wearing, bottle-huggers freaking out over close contact with the Eiffel Tower.  I hate to admit it, but option two is SO me!  It's cheesy, it's cliched, it has sorostitute Carrie Bradshaw wannabe written all over, but honestly, that's who I am, and I can't deny it!

Who's to say that I wouldn't gain as much from being in Paris, what if the people in Tanzania gained a lot out of it because it went along with who they were, they chose to go to Tanzania for a reason, it appealed to them (in the same way YoungLife camps appeal to those kinds of people) and I don't know why it appealed to me, I think because I had already given up on Paris, (because of LSAT dates), this program worked with my schedule and I love the LEAD program.  Only one girl went last year, and that I could NOT handle! I need girlfriends!!! (fabulous, Parisian girlfriends!)

My only fear is that I'm making this decision based on alcohol,  the drinking/partying scene in Paris is fabulous, and by the looks of the pics of people who went last year, they did a lot of that!  In Paris everyone can drink, wine is cheaper than water, hell one restaurant my friends went to even sold wine in baby bottles!  That sounds amazing to me!! When else in my life can I go to a foreign country for 6 weeks just to travel around and party? never ever!!! but then again everyone said Tanzania was once-in-a-lifetime, but do I need that in my lifetime?  In my experience I grow more as a person by going out and seeing people and activity, I get energy from others, not from 3rd world countries.  It wasn't just the "tough" parts of Tanzania that worried me, even the "exciting" parts seemed pretty boring, the safari, I mean I didn't even get LOVE the Animal Kingdom safari ride that much, so FIVE days of safari and game rides seems a little excessive to me.  It's like I feel bad for choosing Paris, but why should I? It's my decision, and I LOVE Paris, and even though I may get a chance to go back to Paris, it would never be in the same way, in the same capacity as 6 weeks just partying and traveling around with peers, not a care in the world, and that sound fabulous to me!!  Plus I can try to brush up on my French before Paris, maybe become fluent by the end, and wouldn't that be fabulous as well!

I guess now I'm just trying to justify my choice to go to Paris, because it's shallow and immature, but this is a time in my life to be shallow and immature, and I've thought the decision through, so it's really not shallow, it's really a pretty deep decision, it's following who I really am and not trying to be someone else, and knowing yourself is really the most important thing for success, isn't it?

Je t'aime Paris!